Can I Be Her
by spilleritz1
Summary: Richard Castle made a promise in 1999 to get justice. He never thought that opportunity would show up ten years later through a beautiful NYPD detective. Kate Beckett never thought she'd come face-to-face with the author who save her life and help her solve a mystery of a lifetime. Entry to the Castle Ficathon Winter 2017.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note:_

 _So, after reading a few hundred Fanfiction stories over the last year and a half, I decided to give this a shot. Whether I am good at it or not, I have no idea. It was a goal I set for myself, and I couldn't give up. I am hoping that the descriptive "talents" will fall into place at some time if I carry on doing this._

 _My inspiration for this story came from the James Arthur song – Can I Be Him. Ideas for this story kept nagging at me. It's changed about three times, and hopefully this time it's okay._

 _I took the dialogue from the various episodes of the show in the last few chapters, and bits here and there. Others will be parts / ideas thereof._

 _There may be times where Kate seems out of character. Maybe she is too willing with Castle whereas in the show she is a little more resilient towards him. I saw a bit of a sensitive side of Kate – caring and nurturing and I loved it when she was like that (Don't get me wrong, I loved the kick-ass Beckett too – she's definitely my hero). So that's why I wanted to write Kate a little differently, accepting Castle's advances and suggestions for the purpose of this story. Seeing where it leads if I made her a little more open to the good things right in front of her._

 _I tried to do a spell check as best I could, please forgive me if there are typos._

 _I also do apologise if part of this story seems to script-like or too much like dialogue. It is my very first ever story and I really am hoping I get better at this._

 _Please enjoy_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _– I don't own anything Castle related._

 **Chapter 1**

 _December 1999…_

Nineteen year old Kate Beckett could not wait to get off the plane after a four and a half hour flight from California. It has been almost six months since she had been back to New York, her last vacation was over the summer which didn't last as long as she wanted, there were pending assignments that needed to be worked on and Kate wasn't a _class average kind of girl._ First year at Stanford University, pre-law, was completed successfully. Kate smiled at that thought. Her lawyer parents were going to be proud. Exiting the plane was taking longer than Kate needed it to and a loud exasperated sigh fell out of her mouth. The middle-aged passenger in front of her turned around with a frown, Kate smiled sarcastically. It must have been the frequent alternating footwork that unnerved her. Travelling at this time of the year was horrific, the airport terminals reminded her of a can of sardines. Guess that's what happens when you decide to fly home on Christmas Eve. Home for the holidays she reminded herself. Her ears zoned in on the sound the wheels of her suitcase were making struggling to keep up with her pace as she dragged her luggage behind her, she made her way hastily through the arrival terminal, dodging people left and right to get out of the hustle and bustle as fast as possible. As she got closer to the exit, excitement began to flutter in her stomach at the thought of seeing her mom…and dad…

A deep monotone voice could be heard in the distance over the crowds and it caught her attention, "Katie" and there, saw him, the thin grey-haired man waiving his hand furiously. Her dad, Jim Beckett a mellow man, not a fighter at all constantly got swept back by the sea of people when trying to get closer to Kate, so he succumbed to the mob and waited patiently for her to come to him. This made Kate smile, not the great big smile she was hoping to release, but a smile nevertheless, her gentle dad.

"Hey dad" and before she could resist or say anything else she felt his arms wrap around her. The force that enwrapped her gave her the sense that he really missed her and set off a feeling she never expected. Comfort. "Where's mom?"

"Ah honey…She was at the office when I left." Noticing the disappointment on her face, he squeezed her shoulder lightly and took her bag, "But she promised that she'd be home cooking something delicious by the time we got back." Well, he hoped.

"Gosh! I forgot how cold it was here!" Shivers went from head to toe when the airport doors opened onto the street. The noise outside was more intense than the general hum of the people on the inside. "And noisy!"

Jim chuckled, "We've been in the negative temperatures for about a week now." Jim had a hand out to hail a cab.

"I hope we don't have to wait too long for a cab…"

"Nope sweetie – here's ours now. Quickly – get inside." Nostalgia cemented itself into Kate's gut after seeing the city pass by through the window of the cab. The feeling was heavy, along with the other plaguing her mind.

"Is mom working on a case?" Jim shuffled in his seat.

"Yes she is honey. She tells me it's important." The inside door of the cab has the weight of Kate's elbow pressing on it.

A soft whisper and drooping head told Jim that his little girl was upset, "It's always important."

He wanted to tell her that the work wasn't as important to her as Kate was, but Kate's no fool and not a little girl anymore. "You get your work ethic, dedication and determination from her you know." Silence took over the cab.

The smell of Christmas was pouring out the door of their apartment. Her dad breathed in deeply. "Nothing like the smell of delicious food to overwhelm your senses hey Katie?"

Kate didn't reply. She didn't feel like speaking when she was upset. How could her mother not make time to see her? She had promised to be at the airport when she arrived. The apartment door opened quietly, the food aroma more intense on the inside. Soft jazz music was playing in the background, Christmas decorations up and in full swing. It was warm and cozy in the Beckett household but at the same time the apartment felt unwelcome. Kate's eyebrow shot up at the sight of her mother on the couch, feet up, drink in hand and completely absorbed the latest Richard Castle novel.

Kate looked at her; the good wife, talented cook and amazing lawyer. She imagined her mother looking up and seeing her standing in the doorway. Her mom jumping out of her seat to welcome her daughter home, holding nothing back when she gave her the life-threatening hug she hoped for. But instead she didn't even seem to register Kate's arrival. She just kept reading. Hurt, betrayal and anger emerged in the nineteen year old and Kate thought it was better to walk away.

"Hey mom" she tried.

Wait…pause…still very little excitement coming from Joanna Beckett. Strange.

"I guess I'll be in my room."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _Sixteen days later…_

New Year meetings at the publishing house were always a drag after the holidays, but business is business and this is something that needed to be done if he wanted to keep his soaring career. The conference room of Black Pawn Publishing housed a solid mahogany wooden desk. It was so well polished, he could smell it. It was shiny too, the kind of shiny where if you pressed your hand onto it, it would leave a handprint. The daydreaming had started when Gina, his publisher, had him for the first hour of the meeting, she dropped subtle reminders to him that he needed to come up with a story idea really quickly. He knew that. He just had some writer's block.

Now it was Paula's turn.

"Richard" stated his PR Manager with her thick New York accent. "I honestly don't know how you expect me to manage your reputation when you keep pulling stunts like you did at the Christmas party…I mean, leaving the party with that bimbo is splashed all over page six! Is that how you want people to know you?" Hands slammed onto the mahogany wood, there was definitely a handprint on there now.

He chuckled at the thought.

Paula scoffed loudly which caught his attention.

"Look Paula, you're already doing a fantastic job. Who cares about the photographs? Everyone thinks I am a ruggedly handsome playboy, and maybe…maybe I am…"

He pondered the thought for a moment. He knew he wasn't a playboy, ruggedly handsome yes, but no playboy.

He started day dreaming again; more specifically started thinking about The Richard Castle Christmas book party he had thrown.

 _Food, music, champagne, glitz, glamour and tuxedos adorned the prestigious venue for Richard Castle's Christmas book party. The red carpet was still strewn outside the entrance and hosted a number of high-heeled dress shoes nearly two hours after the event began. Richard Castle was in his element. He had already signed a countless number of books, and the more the champagne flowed, the more ridiculous the requests for his signature had become. "Mr Castle?" A high pitched woman's voice resonated behind him. The ruggedly-handsome author turned around quickly with a dashing smile that made women weak-in-the-knees, his shallow personality in full swing. He reached inside his jacket pocket for a Sharpie pen while the woman giggled drunkenly, "Where would you like it?" He asked confidently in that amused tone and wiggled the Sharpie pen between his fingers. A tongue slipped out seductively from the woman's mouth and she stroked her fingers down her chest to the V of her sequenced dress and stopped just above her cleavage. Richard Castle smirked._

 _The food had run out by midnight but the bar was still exploding. The party was definitely not ending any time soon, but for Richard Castle, it was over. It felt like he signed his fingertips off. He was more intoxicated than what he wanted to be and generally, he had had enough. The woman from earlier, whose name was Bonita was still clinging to his side. The probability of it being the high doses of alcohol she consumed over the evening played an integral part in Richard being her helping hand. Bonita had already kissed him twice. Three times if you count the one he rejected initially. The second time, he hoped that she'd disappear if he gave her what she wanted. Wishful thinking. The third time he realised that it was an indication that she wanted more. Sure, why not?_

 _They stumbled awkwardly out of the elevator to Richard's apartment. It wasn't graceful. Bonita giggled loudly while clinging to his blue button down for support to remain standing. They reached the solid wooden door, his fingers fumbled once or twice when he placed the key in the lock. Laughed until he was lame when he dropped the set of keys the third time and had to bend down to pick them up. Bonita, in her state, tried to help him up again, but it was hopeless and ended up on the floor next to him in a stitch of sniggers._

 _Once inside it was game on. As soon as Richard closed the door behind him, Bonita's lips were locked onto his. They had a mission to fulfill and he was finding it harder and harder to resist. The make out session lasted a couple of minutes, elbows, legs, hips, butts and backs bumped into all kinds of furniture along the way to the bedroom. A tired little squeak came from the bottom of the stairs, "Daddy?" Richard realised it was Alexis, his little girl. The make out session ended abruptly with Bonita being pushed away from him like she had a disease. Bonita stumbled back for a few steps and thankfully gained her footing before she smashed into the coffee table. She smiled along with her embarrassment. He had three seconds to sober up and deal with the situation. "Pumpkin, what's wrong?" "My tummy hurts" she replied with a whine. This wasn't good. Alexis very rarely got sick. Within three giant steps to accompany his large frame, he was at her side, feeling for a temperature. Two seconds later Alexis started to cry and a lethal dose of stomach contents landed in his lap. Bonita wasn't coping. She didn't expect to find a little kid in the apartment and was more shocked at hearing the word daddy come out of its mouth. She left. Richard didn't care. Attending to his child was way more important than a night on the town anyway._

Richard snapped out of his day dream when he realised the frustration hasn't disappeared off Paula's face and he knew just how to calm her down.

"Paula, let the people think what they want. I am a divorced man with needs. So what? What they don't know is that nothing happened with…Bonita. We went back to my place, but before anything happened, Alexis got sick and she left. I haven't had any contact with her since. End of story. Now can I go? I promised my little girl that I'd take her to the Rockefeller Ice Rink when she was better…and she's holding me to my promise." Paula waved her hand for him to leave.

Preparation for the outdoors was in full swing, Kate and Jim pulled on beanies and scarves, boots and jackets ready for the ice rink.

"Joanna honey, are you sure you don't want to join us, it'll be the first year you'll miss. Its tradition." Jim tried to be persuasive, but it wasn't working.

"Oh darlings, I really need to get to the office and finalise some paperwork for…"

"An important case…we know…everything and everyone else, including _Richard Castle_ is more important than spending time with us and our traditions!" The comment was laced with attitude and anger and disappointment.

"Katherine!" Joanna exclaimed.

"I'll meet you downstairs dad," and the front door slammed shut.

"What is wrong with her Jim?" Kate heard just before she stormed off.

For the first fifteen minutes Jim sat silently next to his daughter who was once again staring out the window into the frosty surroundings.

"Kate. I really can't do another silent cab ride. Would you please tell me what's going on?"

She didn't look at him. He wasn't even sure she was going to answer him.

"It doesn't matter." A tear escaped from her eye and she sniffed.

There was no need to wipe it away, her dad knew.

"Of course it matters Katie. You're my daughter."

She kept quiet knowing her silent response was as cold as the temperature outside.

"I mean, you seem to be happy when you've been around your friends, but when you're around us, everything changes. Is this a teenage thing or is there something else going on?" Jim changed his position in the cab. He faced Kate, but she still had her head turned to the window.

"I…I…just missed you guys so much and I was broken when I didn't see mom at the airport. She promised she'd be there to pick me up. It's been six months since I last came home and she wasn't even happy to see me…"

A gloved hand went up to her face and wiped the tears away this time, it was accompanied by a bigger sniff. Jim passed over a hankie. "Katie…your mom really wanted to come with, but this case…"

Kate was sick and tired about hearing how important this case was, "Enough with the case dad! I asked for one day. One day to share the happiness and excitement of seeing you both at the airport. I just wanted that one moment. That's it! Nothing else. Can we just drop this now please?" She turned to glare at him, eyes red-rimmed. Jim nodded and sat back in his seat.

"Mom can have her own party with her cases and Richard Castle! Can't believe an author gets special preference over me!"

The laces to her skates began to cut into her shoulders from their weight. With every breathe Kate took, condensation escaped. The area was full of people, seems everyone decided to enjoy the ice rink this year. There was an open space close to the barrier for them to sit, Kate grabbed it quickly. Jim was still quiet. Hadn't said a word since Kate had her meltdown in the cab. He just followed behind his daughter's aggressive walk, she knew exactly what she wanted and where she was going. "Dad! Can you please go get hot chocolate or something? Your vibe is making me feel uncomfortable, just go and walk it off. Please. I just wanna get on that ice, forget about everything and have a great time and I can't do that if you're going to sit here under that rain cloud the entire time."

A somewhat handsome man and his daughter walked past at that moment and her dad smiled uncomfortably at them before heading to the hot chocolate stand.

"Let's sit here for a moment pumpkin so you can drink your hot chocolate" the man said.

Minding her own business, Kate laced up her skates.

Richard Castle stared – trying to not be too obvious, but he was failing. The creature sitting a few seats away had him captured – by the tone of her voice.

Undoing the laces on her skate for the third time, Kate let out a frustrated breath.

"Looks like you need some help there?" The voice was immediately familiar

"Mom? What - ?"

"Hi sweetie…here, let me help you." Joanna Beckett sat down in the chair next to her daughter and brought her legs up to tie her laces. "You've always struggled with lacing up, ever since you were a little girl."

Kate looked at Joanna and then at Jim, a wide-eyed teary smile taking over her entire face.

"Say cheese!" Her dad said snapping a quick photo.

"You're all set," her mom said.

The skates were tight around her ankles, but she liked it that way. She looked at her mom and smiled, that beaming smile that had been waiting to release at the airport when she arrived. She leaned towards Joanna, "Thank you so much mom, for being here. I love you."

"Daddy? What does it feel like to be on the ice away from the barrier, like in the middle?" Kate heard the little girl say as she enquired inquisitively stopping to peer over the barrier to look at the skaters doing fancy tricks and twirls.

Kate bent down to the little girl's height and said, "You want to come with me and I'll show you?"

The little was shy at first, but her eyes were beaming with delight and she nodded enthusiastically. Kate whispered in her ear, "Ask your dad."

"Daddy, can I go? Please! I still have my skates on!" Whipping around so fast, Richard was taken aback by his daughter's eagerness to a complete stranger and as peculiar as the request seemed he wasn't going to say no to the woman he'd been staring at for the last ten minutes. Kate looked up at the little girl's father and their eyes locked briefly. Kate frowned at first, as if she knew the man, but couldn't place him and then looked back at the little girl who was hanging onto his jacket with extreme force waiting for his response.

"Of course pumpkin. Just be careful."

"Is your name pumpkin?" Kate asked playfully.

"No silly," the little girl giggled. "It's Alexis."

Richard stood on the side of the ice rink in the chilly air. Body laced with hats, scarves and a jacket while he watched his five year old get her rhythm on the ice. Richard never skated, only when Alexis was really small, but once she got the hang of it, he left her to her independence. It made no sense to him that someone of his stature should balance on two thin steel blades on ice.

"Look daddy! I'm skating better than the last time!" Her confidence melted his heart, she's only slightly better than the last time. Skating is not something they did regularly, but she had the hang of it, even if she was holding onto the kind woman's hand.

"Well done pumpkin! You look amazing! A future figure skater in the making."

Alexis's eyes lit up, her red pigtails bounced around her face, "You really think so daddy?"

"Of course. You can be anything you want to be."

The smile broadened and her concentration intensified, this time holding onto the barrier with one hand instead of two.

His eyes kept straying to the beautiful woman. She has been sitting a few seats away from him and had captured him by the tone of her voice.

Frozen skates, a pink nose, numb lips and chilled fingers alerted Kate that it was time to get off the ice. She smiled as she skated towards the exit and saw her dad standing at the barrier holding a cup of hot chocolate she knew was just for her. His father intuition was amazing.

Alexis squealed in delight when they climbed off the ice and Kate chuckled.

"Daddy! Did you see me? It was amazing!"

"I did pumpkin, I got it all on video for you to watch on the way home. Now why don't you say thank you to…"

Kate didn't hang around to listen to the rest. She took the hot chocolate from her dad and looked around.

"Where's mom?"

Her dad looked away, out into the distance of the rink, at the strangers still skating trying desperately to think of something different to say than the usual.

He sighed. "She went back to the office but she said she's going to meet us at the restaurant for dinner. We should probably get going if we want to be on time."

"Are you serious Meredith? This is the third time you've done this to Alexis in the last two months and I am running out of excuses."

Martha Rogers sat quietly on the couch in the dully-lit living room sipping on a glass of wine. Her ears finely tuned to the conversation taking place on the phone in the study. The strain on his voice made it evident that he was trying to keep the conversation as civilised as possible without alerting anyone to his frustrations, but his open bookshelves weren't really known for their soundproofing qualities.

Meredith always had to bring the drama – the _wannabe_ actress.

The study door suddenly whooshed open and Martha's presence caught Richard by surprise. "Mother!" Richard wanted to scold her for being nosey, but he was too angry to get into another argument.

Martha knew this and took an elegant sip of wine and raised her eyebrows.

He frowned. "I'm going for a walk. I have my phone with me if you need anything."

He knew it was a silly idea to go walking in the cold on the streets of New York, but he did it anyway. His mind too occupied by Meredith's response that he didn't even think to take cash for a cab ride home. So dazed and frustrated he didn't realise how far he walked seven blocks and ended up at the park. The park was creepy at night, so desolate. A sudden chill running down his spine. He turned around, tucked his gloved hands into his coat pockets and headed home.

Two blocks into the journey home, the writer's overactive imagination kicked in, the eeriness of the park sparked an idea for a scene in his current book. The whole scene played out. Shadows in the distance. Three of them. In an alley. Details hidden. No faces, just shadows. Men? Women? He couldn't tell. He would figure out those details later when he put them to paper. He picked up his pace. The condensation exhaling faster from his mouth with every breath as he hurried to get home before the scene left his mind.

The loft was warmer than outside and it made him shiver. It was late, the apartment was quiet. Martha had obviously gone to bed. Alexis was asleep before he left. He briefly thought about Alexis and that he'd have to tell her the news about her mother in the morning. Damn. He shrugged off his coat and headed to his office, whipped his laptop open and sat there, staring at the screen as he reminisced over what he saw during his walk. Was it his over-active imagination after being completely unnerved by the eeriness of the park, or did he actually see something? The bottle of scotch and a glass caught his eye. He poured himself the usual two-fingers. He took a sip and closed his eyes for a few seconds. It was real. What he saw happen in that alley was real. Someone was attacked and he just walked away. Someone could be in critical condition. Richard suddenly felt guilty and poured himself another two-fingers. He swallowed it in one gulp. He was a potential witness and he did nothing, he never even bothered to report it. He had come home to add the scene to his next book. It was probably too late to do it now. He was sure someone had found the body by the time he got home. He could've still reported it anonymously. He debated with himself on whether that would lessen the guilt trip he was on. Richard picked up his mobile phone and dialed 911. Richard Castle was going to make this right. In the morning he was going to get all the details he could possibly find on the victim and get the justice the criminals deserved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _Ten years later…_

Martha Rogers illuminated the room with her pizazz as she sashayed into his office holding a brown manila envelope. "Richard darling! This just came for you…maybe it's something that will lighten your mood a little bit. Goodness knows you've been mourning the death of Derrick Storm for far too long now. You have no one else to blame but yourself, you're the one who killed him off!" Richard watched his mother sashay out of the office taking all her illuminating pizazz with her, leaving him sitting with an unkempt beard, tousled hair, a half a cup of cold coffee in a dimly lit office. The envelope rested neatly on the desk in front of him. Index fingers and thumbs holding each of the four corners in place…and he just stared. Stared until the neat writing on it became a blur. A knock in another room pulled him out of his daydream. He looked up and saw Alexis in the kitchen. He smiled slightly. He really was in a total mess and hadn't been actively involved in anyone's life recently, including his own. He turned in his swivel chair to look at the TV screen behind him. It was off. Turning it on would only disappoint him. He wasn't even sure the information in the envelope would be worth it.

"What's this?" Came a soft voice from behind him. Alexis. She was standing with a white piece of paper in her hand that she had picked up off the desk.

"Oh, it's an invitation to a dinner with Senator Bracken. I got invited after I made a donation towards his campaign. I'm not sure I want to go anymore."

Alexis nodded slowly, "You should. It will be good for you. You did RSVP right?"

"Yeah" he stood from the swivel leather chair and yawned, "I replied the same day I received it." "Then you have to go. A lot of preparation goes into these events, and they've probably already catered for you. Apart from it being rude dad, it won't put you in the good books of the possible future president and we both know how you like to use your connections."

The break room at the Twelfth Precinct hardly ever housed the three detectives at the same time. Round tables never occupied. The mud-type coffee infrequently used. This was a week with a difference. The break room was like Grand Central Station. Simply put – no cases.

"Don't get me wrong. I don't want people to die, but sitting around like this with nothing to do is frustrating!" Javier Esposito exclaimed banging the mug down on the table with a little more force than he intended to. "Sorry."

Kate Beckett nodded as she took a sip of her coffee, "Tell me about it."

A suggestion from Kevin Ryan made its way around the table as he took a cronut out of the box, "I'm helping my brother-in-law out again on a security detail if you guys want in?"

Kate peered into the box of cronuts, "I might actually take you up on that Ryan. I feel like my basic duty as a cop is being wasted. It's like I'm letting the world down or something" she said before taking the hazelnut one.

"Really Beckett? You're resorting to a security detail?" Esposito questioned, unamused.

"You said so yourself that you're frustrated. Doing this could just take the edge off." Esposito shook his head.

"What's the assignment Ryan?"

Ryan's mouth was full. He took a bit more off than he could chew. He swallowed it down with pain in his throat and took a sip of coffee, "Senator Bracken's hosting a dinner this Saturday for his campaign donors."

"Pfft! The Senator needs a protective detail at his dinner?" Scoffed Espo.

"It's a standard, precautionary measure at these type of events."

"I'm in…" Kate's confirmation left Esposito shocked. She noticed immediately. "Espo, it's not like I'm changing jobs. It's a dinner night at an event for a Senator, not a life-altering experience. Get a grip."

"You sure you don't want in Javi? I'll need to tell my brother-in-law this afternoon."

"No man, it's a complete waste of my skills."

"Ye…"Kate commented with her mouth full of the last bite of her cronut, "Because paperwork isn't?"

The bullpen was quiet after 17h00. Ryan and Esposito's shifts were over. So was Kate's, but she had a hidden agenda and the bullpen needed to be quiet for it to be pursued. Right there, on her desk, all this time, under the mounds of paperwork laid another file. The file that contained every single detail of her mother's murder ten years ago. The week had been the perfect opportunity to scruitinise the details and make notes. Look for anything that she missed. Anything that Detective Raglan missed. All that was needed was evidence, no matter how small that could've developed into a new lead would have been a light at the end of the tunnel after all this time.

It had taken up so much time already. Ten years. Ten years and no resolution. Her mother didn't deserve that. Her mother didn't deserve to die stabbed in an alley – especially a reason attributed to random gang violence. That wasn't her mother. Her mother was smart, methodical and there is no way her death was an accident. Maybe at first, but not anymore. Not since other people in her team were murdered too. That simple fact changed the whole scenario in her mind and there was not a single detective on that case that took the investigations further. Kate was going to do it. She was going to get justice for all of them. There was no way that whoever was behind the murders was going to get away without facing the consequences.

"Beckett!" Shouted Captain Roy Montgomery from his office door.

He stepped closer to her desk faster than she anticipated and she didn't have enough time to close Joanna Beckett's file in time. Dammit.

"Sir?" Kate Beckett's face paled.

"I was going to ask what you were doing here," he said looking at the open murder file on her desk. "But now I know." He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his bald head. "Kate. I know how much this means to you, but…but you have to stop."

Anger immediately flashed through her eyes. She never expected her Captain to understand. She never expected anyone to understand.

"Sir, I will never stop. I will never stop until I find the answers I need."

"It's been 10 years since it happened Beckett. Less since I found you the first time in the filing room when you were a rookie and you've still come up empty handed. Time to let it go."

Rage boiled internally, losing her cool was seconds away. "Sir, I don't want to say something I'll regret later."

"Good. Now, a little bit of advice Beckett, take that file and make copies. Make as many copies as you like so you can sit in the comfort of your own home scrounging for the clues you need. Do it at home, in your own time, not in the shadows of my precinct. Not where I have to lie and make excuses for you when your head's not in the game. Kate, you're my number one detective. Don't mess it up on a cold case!"

 _Author's Note:_

 _The location where Joanna was killed differs to that of canon for the purpose of this story. I realise that the murder took place in Washington Heights as per canon but it's the other end of where they live (I think – I used Google Maps since I live on another continent) and I couldn't exactly make Richard walk a six hour journey since I made him forget cab money._

 _I am also not sure when Richard's earlier books were published, I couldn't find anything online in terms of date except for the later novels. My apologies if this upsets anyone._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The venue was Victorian themed. Splashes of gold and red adorned the walls and staircases. High ceilings fitted with enormous crystal chandeliers that glittered rainbow spectrums across the cream coloured walls. It was like being in a secret dungeon full of jewels. Her long elegant dress was perfect for the setting – emerald green sequence sparkled between the gold and crystal like it was a rare gem.

"Gosh Ryan, this is amazing! Look at this place." Her arm tucked loosely into Ryan's.

They were each other's dates. Part of their cover. No one ever felt comfortable seeing obnoxiously uptight people in suits filling out their protective detail duties. People always felt like something was going to happen, like it was serious business that there were bodyguards around. No one ever relaxed. Senator Bracken was very specific in his request. He wanted people to be a part of the party, not excluded.

"Yip! Can't believe this is just a thank you dinner. Senator doesn't play does he?"

"There are some really prominent people here. I feel a little out of place." Nervous fingers tucked an imaginary strand of hair behind her ear.

"Why? No one knows who we are. As far as they're concerned, we're donors to the campaign like everyone else."

"We don't even have a story!" Kate giggled.

"So? We make it up as we go along."

Standing aside, taking in all the pleasures of the wealthy people, a tray of champagne passed by and Ryan took two glasses. Kate, held a plate of hors d'oeuvres that almost got tossed over her shoulder when she grabbed onto the sleeve of Ryan's jacket. He startled and whipped around, face alarmed.

"Ryan! Oh my…Ryan! Do you know who that is?"

"Geez Kate! Since when were you a groupie? Esposito is going to be sorry he missed this side of you."

"Shut up!"

Ryan laughed out aloud. "Who is it? I don't know any of these people."

"That…" She pointed subtly towards an African-American gentleman standing on the sidelines of the bar chatting to another gentleman. A rather attractive gentleman. A ruggedly-handsome gentleman Kate noted.

"Oh shit!"

"What? See someone you recognize? An ex-boyfriend?" Ryan giggled. Completely fascinated by this side of his superior.

"Shit! Ryan, that's the mayor. And the mayor is having a casual chit-chat with _the_ Richard Castle."

Ryan shrugged. He really had no idea who any of the people were so it really didn't bother him. Kate was obviously more interested in politics and the who's who of New York City than he was.

"Who's Richard Castle?"

"Are you serious?" Ryan shrugged. Kate rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to the ladies."

It had to be nerves. Or was it the feeling of being overwhelmed? Perhaps in awe…She couldn't tell. All she knew was that her hands were trembling and her cheeks were flushed and it was all because of him – Richard Castle. "Dammit!" She whispered louder than she should have and a few giggles came from the washing area. Kate waited patiently for the bathroom chatter to vaporize and for the final click on the main door to confirm she was alone before exiting the cubicle. Her reflection in the mirror at the basin showed a perfect face. Nothing out of place which was wonderful since her cheeks felt hotter than how they looked. She took in a deep breath, washed her hands and left the bathroom.

Ryan was waiting outside, "Geez Kate! You okay? You were in there a long time."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Damn. This guy really has you freaked out. What's the story?" He asked innocently. Kate looked at him with a death glare. "What? We're going to be here for some time Beckett. We need something to talk about."

Kate was uncomfortable, "Uh…Yeah…It's not really a story I want to get into right now." Ryan shrugged.

"I think dinner is about to get served. We should probably go find our seats. I think there's going to be a couple of speeches too."

Ryan gently guided Kate by the small of her back towards the area where the tables were placed. Kate was on the careful look-out on where Richard Castle was. She didn't want to bump into him and create an unimaginable awkwardness.

They stepped up to the table list.

"We're at table 15" Kate stated matter-of-factly.

"Really? You found that so quickly." Ryan scruitinised the list, his nose scrunching and his eyes wrinkling in the corners to see who they were sitting with while Kate made her way to their table.

"Hey! You're never going to believe this, it's your lucky night. Seems you will finally be able to make up with an old friend…or boyfriend."

"What are you talking about?" Kate asked with a frown.

"You didn't see the list of names? We're sitting at the same table as Richard Castle."

She tried not to stare at him, but every time her eyes looked up, she noticed a difference feature. First it was his perfectly styled hair. The second was his smile, the way his eyes disappeared when he grinned. The third was the beautiful blue irises when he locked eyes with her. She immediately looked down at her plate. Her food still untouched.

"Is there something wrong with the food mam?" Asked the waiter.

"Uh…no. Sorry. It's perfect." Kate replied a little embarrassed.

"Are you okay Kate? You haven't said a word to your friend."

"Shhh…I don't know him personally" Kate whispered.

"You don't?"

"No…"

"Then why all the big fuss?" Ryan queried innocently.

"I went to a book signing once. Met him briefly. His books got me through a pretty difficult time."

Ryan understood. "Your mom?"

"Yeah."

"I see. Well, let's see if we can get him to dance with you?"

She sat up immediately. "What? Ryan! No!"

"I'll be right back."

Kate rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger, zoning out her current surroundings. This was a dream come true, but it felt like a nightmare.

"Hi." Came a voice to her right. She froze. "You looked stressed. Nothing a dance can't fix."

Kate snorted, still not looking at him. "Did my friend put you up to this?"

"Pshhh! No. I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could come and ask you to dance." Kate shook her head. "Wait…did you say friend? He isn't your date?"

"Nope."

"So how about that dance?" He smiled that beautiful smile she saw earlier. The one that made his eyes crinkle.

She wasn't going to resist. "I'd like that."

"Really?" Richard was surprised.

Kate got up and stepped away from the table, "Are you coming? I might change my mind."

The band just started playing Dean Martin's Sway. "I'm Rick by the way."

Kate was still leading them to the dance floor, she smiled sheepishly, her back turned away from him. She turned around to face him, letting him take the lead this time. He gently placed his hand on her hip which forced her arm to come up onto his shoulders. Heat inside her body immediately rising at the touch.

"I'm Kate," she replied placing her hand in his. He smiled again. It made her knees wobble. She didn't like what he did to her.

Rick knew his way around the dance floor. Leading her around in an impeccable manner. They moved elegantly around and in between people. Completely in sync.

"I'm under the assumption that you also made a donation to the Senator's campaign?" He asked gently cupping the small of her back.

"Uh…not exactly." Kate said dropping her head slightly. When she looked up again at Rick, he had a puzzled but curious expression on his face. "It's a little hard to explain."

"Can't be that hard. I mean, we're all donors here."

"I didn't make a monetary donation. Mine is more in time." Kate tried to explain as vaguely as possible. She wasn't sure how much detail she could give away or if Richard was the right person to give the information to.

His face beamed with excitement, "Ooh! You're a protective detail!"

Oops…Well, Kate wasn't surprised that he figured it out. He did write mystery novels for a living after all.

"Yes." Richard looked around to see if he could spot any more.

"Your date is your partner right?" He was in his element.

"Yes."

"Are there others?" He questioned enthusiastically.

"Could you maybe keep your excitement down? It's a cover we're not supposed to blow and your enthusiasm is oozing out of your skin and onto the dance floor."

He apologized immediately and pulled her in closer so he could whisper in her ear, "Which organisation are you from? CIA? FBI?"

"NYPD" she replied.

"Seriously? You're a cop?"

"Detective actually. Homicide." Her response shocked the enthusiasm right off his face. His mind was ticking overtime with all sorts of ideas and scenarios for a new character.

"You okay there Rick?" She asked giggling.

He snapped out of his say dream, "Yeah…I just…I think I've found my muse."

It was Kate's turn to be shocked. "What?!"

"Well, you see, by profession I'm a…" Kate interrupted him.

"A writer." He didn't think he could be any more surprised. This beautiful woman, with him on the dance floor with a life story so different to what he expected. Completely different to the usual crowd he attracted. He needed more.

"You know my work?"

"I know some of it." Kate blushed.

"Interesting…" Kate shrugged at his comment.

"Which precinct do you work from?"

"I can't be your muse Rick."

"Pfft! I don't think you can decide that for me. I know what I need for my next book series and you're it. Which precinct?"

"Why do you need to know where I work?"

"I'm going to have to follow you around for research."

Kate burst out laughing. "That's not going to happen. You're a civilian. They'll never allow it."

"Are you sure about that?" Rick asked while he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Why do I get the feeling that even if I don't tell you, you're going to somehow find out anyway?"

He came in close again and whispered in her ear which sent shivers down her spine, "You've seen my resources Kate. There's no escaping this."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She denied.

"I know you saw me with the mayor." He smiled brazenly. She was speechless and the song was finished. Rick led her off the dance floor by the hand and she let him. This was so out of character. This man had her completely smitten. He stopped suddenly, in front of her, still keeping her hand in his.

"Look…Kate…I really think we can make this work. Can we at least try? Please."

She found it hard to say no to Richard Castle. Truth is, deep down inside, she was thrilled to be his muse, but she couldn't give into him that easily. He had to work for it.

"Fine. I work at the 12th."

"Great!"

"Don't get too excited Rick. If you want to do this? Then we're going to play by my rules. Nothing else. Do I make myself clear?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Morning dad!" Chirped Alexis as she came down the stairs in her school uniform.

"Hey pumpkin. Would you like some pancakes before you go to school?"

"Uh…Ye, I have some time." She said taking a seat at the bar counter. This was Richard's second home – the kitchen. Always whipping up something tasty…and…not too tasty – like his s'more omelets. This morning it was simple. The aroma of pancakes and melted chocolate filled the air.

"How was the thank you dinner?"

Richard shrugged, "Meh, it was okay. Food was good though."

"Meet anyone interesting?"

Richard stopped for a moment, he knew Alexis was onto something. "Uh…Not really. Company was the same as usual I guess."

The fabric of Martha's morning robe sashayed with her as she glided down the stairs. "Richard darling. I'm so glad you're awake." She shoved the newspaper onto the counter almost landing in Alexis's plate.

"You're awfully chirpy this morning mother." He replied blandly. "What's the occasion?"

"Oh! I'm glad you asked…There's a beautiful woman, with a dashing smile on page six and I want to meet her.

"And how am I supposed to arrange that? I probably don't even know her."

"Oh please! For goodness sake Richard!" Martha exclaimed.

"You were holding her hand dad!" She stated before packing a forkful or the doughy breakfast in her mouth.

Richard simply ignored their comments and continued with the pancake debacle.

"It's a lovely photo actually." This perked Richard's interest.

"Let me see." He grabbed the dish towel to wipe his hands. Martha handed him the paper where it was opened and folded onto the specific page while Alexis. "It is."

It was a completely candid shot and remarkably beautiful. Both of them so entirely unaware of the photograph that captured the subtleties of the pair – the lack of discomfort of a first meet, the genuine smiles on their faces and the happiness and freedom in their eyes.

"Who is she dad?"

"This is not good. Dammit!" He grumbled throwing the paper down.

"Are you okay dad?"

Richard ran his hand over his face. "Yeah honey…It's just, this isn't going to go down well at the precinct."

"The precinct!" Martha hissed dramatically. "What on earth do you need to do at a police precinct Richard?"

He sighed heavily. "Relax mother. Kate is a homicide detective at the 12th precinct. She was undercover at the dinner last night with her partner. They were the protective details with I don't know how many people…and…and she's agreed to be my muse."

"That's amazing dad! Now you can start writing again."

"Well, at least she did before this photo showed up. Now I'm not so sure," he said mildly disappointed.

"You have to go to her and explain that you had no control over the photographers or the images the newspaper decides to publish."

Richard picked up the paper again after he stopped pacing. He reviewed at the photo again. "Oh geez! This is going to impossible to rectify. It's over before it even began."

Martha immediately got up to stand beside him concerned, "What do you mean darling?"

"Did anyone read the caption?" Alexis shook her head. Martha peered over his forearm.

"Oh Richard!" She embraced him slightly and rubbed him over the shoulder.

"What does it say grams?"

"Is this wife number three for celebrity novelist Richard Castle?"

Alexis immediately stood from her chair, "I'm going to be late for school. I'll see you guys later."

"I'm so sorry darling. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I'm have to go there. I need to fix this. I don't know how, but I have to. She doesn't deserve this."

"Hey bro!" Ryan looked up from his daydream when Espo yelled from his desk.

"What's up?" Asked Ryan trying to wake up fully from the early morning start. An active case had them roll in earlier in the morning and leave later in the evening. Most people struggled with this.

"There's no easy way to put this bro." Ryan looked at Esposito as if he'd lost his mind. "Does Beckett know she's on page six?"

"What? Are you serious? Where's the paper?"

"Hidden in my desk drawer" Espo replied smugly while walking towards the breakroom for his cup of coffee. Ryan hurried over to the drawer to snatch the paper out before it made its way around the bullpen. He opened the paper to take a sneak peek and startled at Beckett's sudden tone of voice.

"Hey Ryan, anything interesting in the paper?"

He stumbled and fumbled in true Kevin Ryan fashion, "Uh…nope, nothing." And scrunched the paper under his arm.

At that exact moment, Esposito appeared carrying a mug of freshly brewed coffee, "Hey Beckett! I see you're rolling with the celebs these days?"

"Don't be ridiculous Espo. Attending one dinner event with a couple of wealthy people hardly makes me a high roller."

"That's not what page six says."

Ryan dipped his head and whispered, "Oh my…"

"Ryan!" He jumped, completely on edge and sweat beads forming on his forehead. "Give me that paper."

"Oh geez! This is ridiculous! Seriously. Of all the people at that dinner to land on page six, it had to be me and the playboy Richard Castle."

"Playboy huh?" Richard chirped.

Ryan and Esposito's eyes went wide and Kate rolled hers. "This day just can't get any worse."

"Kate…" Another interruption came from further down the bullpen.

"Ah! Mr Castle. So good to finally meet you." Their captain yelled from his office door as he walked to the troop near Kate's desk.

"Captain Montgomery. The pleasure is all mine. Thank you so much for accommodating my request."

"Shall we get to business?" Richard looked awkwardly at Kate.

"Great. My office is this way."

Kate watched in horror as Richard Castle followed Montgomery to his office. Utter disbelief that he made it happen.

Esposito piped up, "What's that about?"

Kate snapped out of her horror. "Apparently he needs to shadow a detective for research," she covered quickly.

Ryan comment nonchalantly, "Beckett's going to be his muse."

"Seriously?" Laughed Espo.

Kate snapped Ryan a stern glare, he ignored her and shrugged.

"That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Stone-hearted Beckett's going to be a muse."

"If you carry on like that Espo, I'm going to make sure Mr Castle speaks to the Mayor and have Captain Montgomery bust you down to traffic."

Javier stopped laughing, "He can do that?"

"How do you think he got in here Javi? He's friends with the mayor." Kate smiled internally at the worried expression on her team member's face. Espo looked immediately at Ryan.

"It's true bro. I saw him chatting to the Mayor myself."

Silence consumed the bullpen. Kate knew there were leads she needed to follow up on with their current case, but her head just wasn't in it. It just got inadmissibly complicated in an incredibly short amount of time and it left Kate frazzled and disunited. She was usually so in control and on top of things, but having Richard Castle around disturbed the status quo. Esposito and Ryan remained unaffected by the activities that took place earlier and she briefly wondered what it would feel like to simply let things go. Then again – they weren't attracted to Richard Castle. They didn't even know who it was.

By late morning the bullpen had quietened down and Kate had somehow managed to regroup and focus on the case. Ryan and Espo had come back with some more information from their leads which changed the details on their murder board. Kate found herself standing in front of it trying to connect the dots. A calm familiar voice caught her attention and she gazed skeptically at him standing a few feet away from the murder board with two Grande coffees and a brown paper bag containing what she assumed to be a pastry.

"Peace offering." He said gesturing the coffees and pastry. Kate ignored him, leaned against the edge of her desk and returned to contemplate the murder board. He immediately felt uneasy and unsure of how to approach her. Very few woman refused his advances and he wasn't sure he liked the feeling of _rejection_. He decided not to push. This was a relationship he didn't want to wreck. He knew it the minute he held her in his arms on the dancefloor. So instead he backed away, giving her the necessary space.

Kate sneaked a peak at his expression before he turned around and didn't like what she saw.

"If that's a bear claw in that bag, you're not going anywhere."

His face lit up like a kid in a candy store and it made her smile. She hid it quickly not to give him the satisfaction.

"It's my lucky day. The café only had one left." He said proudly with a bounce in his stance.

"I didn't see you leave the precinct?"

"I left about ten minutes ago. You looked engrossed in the details of the case with your team so I left without disturbing." Kate nodded.

"So, does that mean the meeting went well? They approve of you following me around?"

"Yeah, they do. I just have some paperwork that I need to run past my lawyer and a few other things to finalise and then it's just you and me fighting crime." Kate frowned at the comment. It made her feel a little uneasy. "I mean, not just you and me. I mean, you, me and your team." He recovered quickly. Time to change the subject.

"Oh! I also got you a skinny latte with two pumps sugar-free vanilla." Kate's eyes really lit up at this – somehow it amazed her that he knew what her favourite coffee was.

"How did you-"

"Intuition. Some things I just know."

"Thank you," she said taking a sip of the welcomed caffeine drink while standing up to confront the murder board for its fiftieth interrogation of the day.

"Why Castle?" Kate turned around at his insignificant question.

"What? You don't know?" Castle shook his head.

"Huh…Cops call their team mates by their surnames."

"I'm a team mate?" Kate rolled her eyes.

"Get that smug grin off your face before I change my mind."

They sat together in the comfortable silence staring at the murder board together before Castle needed to say a few more things.

"Look, Kate. I just wanted to apologise."

She looked up at him, curiosity lacing her hazel eyes. Her stare immediately made him nervous, those beautiful eyes frosted with a story he so badly wanted to know and caused him to stumble, "Uh…about…about the photograph…in the paper. I really didn't know the publication was covering the event. I was just as shocked when I saw it and I had a feeling you wouldn't respond well. I came here immediately."

She broke her gaze, "Well, you were right there."

"I'd like to make it up to you and this is going to seem absurd, but it's the least I can do."

"Absurd?"

"I'd like you to come to my place for dinner." He expected her to be surprised and quickly intervened, "Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Whenever you're ready."

Kate took another sip of her coffee, not saying a word. Her mind completely discombobulated by his suggestion. She had always been the _one foot out the door_ type of girl, but being with him felt different and she owed it to herself to let happiness in, even if it came through the company of Richard Castle – the man whose books got her through a difficult time. But he didn't need to know that…yet.

"Actually, I'd like that. I'm free tonight."

"I'll see you at seven? Eight?

She chuckled, "Somewhere in between?"

He smiled that beautiful soft smile she adored and looked away to hide her blush.

"See you then." He said. He got up from the desk to leave the precinct, but I thought popped into his head. "Question…If I'm Castle…and they're Ryan and…Espo…Then what do they call you?"

Kate looked up at him with a small smile, "Beckett." He nodded. Repeated the name in his mind.

"I'll text you the address."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The lights in the loft were dim. The only bright light illuminated from the kitchen where Richard was putting his final touches to his homemade cashew ice cream. The feta and spinach stuffed chicken breasts were in the oven on a low heat to keep warm and the potatoes were cooked and ready to be mashed into a thick creamy pate when Kate arrived. One of his best bottles of wine was already on the table that Alexis set hours earlier, he didn't actually know if Kate drank wine, but he thought he'd show off anyway. The coffee machine was already prepped and waiting just in case she preferred a cup after a long day instead. Martha hadn't been home all day, she had an acting class to teach. Her studio was putting on a show in a few months. He heard the front door click open and butterflies immediately filled his gut.

"Richard darling!" She yelled in her over-exaggerated tone. "Could you come and help us please?"

He wondered who the _"us"_ referred to. It was already going to be overwhelming for Kate to be here with his family, another guest would just complicate things.

Richard appeared around the corner just as Martha stepped out of the closet after hanging their coats. He was particularly surprised to find Kate, almost backed up against the front door and looked like she was about to make a run for it.

"I found this dear gem in the hallway. Katherine is it?"

"Just Kate." She replied politely, looking shyly at Richard.

"You're early?"

"Yeah, I hope that's okay. It took less time than I anticipated to get here after the precinct."

"Of course. I'm glad you made it."

"Oh come on you two, let's continue the niceties away from the front door." Martha interrupted flashing her jewelry laden arms about.

"Katherine – can I get you a glass of wine?" She asked walking towards the kitchen.

"Mother, it's just Kate." Reminding her for the second time.

"Well, I simply prefer Kate."

Kate shrugged her head at Richard signaling him to drop it. "I'm fine for now thank you."

Kate skimmed her eyes around the place. It was enormous with a mahogany undertone feel to it. Leather couches, perfectly placed carpets. A modern floating staircase that led to what she presumed to be the bedrooms. The bookshelves to her right caught her attention and she heard Richard waffling in the distance. The bookshelves were stacked with books and little trinkets and they seemed to be the wall of another room, but they were open, you could see right through the openings – she thought it was absolutely beautiful.

She smelled him from behind her, his cologne tantalising her olfactory senses. She was just overwhelmed with the moment of being in _The Richard Castle's_ apartment. How was she ever going to tell him what his books meant to her?

"Hey," he said softly placing his hand gently on her shoulder, "You okay?"

Kate turned around and looked him straight in the eyes and they both felt the electricity between them. A comfortable silence filling their warmly lit space before Kate spoke.

"Yes. Your home is beautiful, I'm in absolute awe. This mini library is breathtaking."

Richard moved to stand beside her to follow her line of sight to the books. Try to make out which ones she was intrigued by.

"You like to read?"

"I do. I don't always get the time to, but I do." He nodded before placing his hands in his pockets.

"I still need to finish off a few things for dinner. Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

She looked up at him again, her eyes lazy at the sight of his ruggedly handsome face.

"Thanks, but I'm good for now."

He took her hand in his, his palm swallowing her dainty hands. He laced his fingers through hers and led her to the kitchen.

"How do these tiny hands hold a gun steady? It almost seems impossible."

Kate chuckled loudly, "I've never thought of that." She squeezed his hand in return, and acknowledged his unpretentious affection.

"C'mon, I'm starving and the food's going to be amazing."

She tugged on his hand gently. "You don't know that."

"Oh but I do…Alexis! Food's almost ready!" He yelled and then wiggled his eyebrows at Kate.

A few minutes later Kate heard light footsteps behind her. She wanted to so desperately turn around and see Little Miss Castle, but she contained herself for not knowing how the young girl reacted to strangers.

"Wow dad! Smells good."

"Why thank you." He said egotistically.

"You really go all out for guests don't you?"

"Alexis! You know that's not true," he defended.

Martha piped up in a dramatic tone from the sitting room, "I have to agree with her Richard. Katherine, don't you believe him. He doesn't cook like this all the time." Kate giggled and looked at Rick who mouthed _all lies_ behind their backs.

"Speaking of guests, this is Kate. Kate, my daughter Alexis." Getting the formalities out of the way.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Alexis."

Alexis was hardly ever impolite, "It's nice to meet you too. Thanks for coming."

"You knew I was coming?" Kate questioned.

Richard tried to interrupt, but Alexis dismissed him completely. "Well yeah. We asked dad to invite you."

Confusion was etched on Kate's face. None of it was making sense. "Why? You don't even know me."

"Oh Katherine darling." Martha said getting up from her seat, "We saw you in the paper," she said as she sat down at the dinner table.

Kate immediately looked at Richard who was doing his best to pretend not to notice.

Kate whispered his way, "I know you can see me. You could have at least been honest with me instead of ambushing me."

"You're the one who said yes," he whispered back, it was playful and he knew it was pushing her buttons.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to say yes?" He shrugged. "I don't do this kind of thing Castle."

"Let's eat!" And he ignored her completely. An eye roll was not far behind.

"Alexis, can you please help me with some dishes for the ice cream." Richard asked as he walked back to the table with his perfectly set cashew ice cream. Kate's eyes immediately lit up.

"You made this?"

Martha chimed in this time and for good reason, "The dessert, is something he is absolutely brilliant at making. I'll give him credit for that."

Richard smiled and shook his head. His mother – so indecisive.

"Kate?" Alexis called.

Kate was glad that Alexis was talking to her on her own and not without the instruction of her father. She really didn't want Alexis to speculate that she was trying to come between father and daughter. She herself know how important a father-daughter bond could be.

"Yeah?" She replied with a gentle smile.

"Are you sure we haven't met before?"

Richard snorted a laugh from the head of the table, "Honey, why would you think that?"

Alexis became shy and dipped her head, "I don't know. There's just a familiarity about you. Like we've met before." Kate didn't know the answer. She withdrew even more. "I don't know. Maybe it's because I miss my mom and I'm grasping at straws." Everyone looked at her with a sadness they could all relate to. Martha not ever finding a life partner. Richard not having a dad. Kate not having a mother. Alexis quickly tried to change the mood. "Oh gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to put a damper on the evening." She hurried off her chair. "I still have a lot of homework to do. I'm sorry."

"Pumpkin wait!" Realisation hit Kate like a bolt of lightning. The memory of pumpkin came through like a flood – the exact day she remembered it. It was one of the things she'd never forgotten and she always wondered what happened to the little girl with red bouncy pigtails and her dad. "Oh my God," she whispered. Kate immediately looked up to a girl who was almost halfway up the stairs embarrassed, Kate stood up from the table, excitement running through her veins.

"Is your name pumpkin?"

Alexis froze immediately in her tracks. She remembered too. "The ice rink…" she turned to look at Kate, "You took me to the middle of the ice because I wanted to know what it felt like to not hold onto the barriers."

Richard suddenly remembered the day too and instantly looked at Kate, "That was you?"

Kate nodded.

"I still have that video."

Martha was utterly lost in this conversation and what memory everyone was talking about, "Ice rink? What do you have on video Richard? I think I've had too much wine?" Richard, Alexis and Kate burst into laughter.

"I'll explain later mother." Martha nodded and took another sip of her wine.

"I have so many questions, but I really do have a lot of homework. I'll come say good night before you go."

"Sounds great!"

It was getting late but none of them wanted to call it a night. Kate couldn't recall when last she spend time with a group of strangers and actually had a great time. She found herself staring at the books again, this time from inside what she discovered was an office. The large mahogany desk dead centre matched the rest of the house. A sudden image of him sitting at that desk until early hours of the morning typing up the mystery novels her mother loved popped into her mind.

"You seem to be incredibly fascinated by the books on my shelves," he commented in a husky voice. His voice seemed to do that, go deeper and huskier the later it got. She found that little quirk very attractive. He placed two cups of coffee on the table beside the desk to stand next to her.

"The day at the ice rink when we met, I knew I had seen you before but I couldn't remember where I'd seen you." She explained. Rick gestured to the couch in the office where they sat down. He handed her a mug of coffee. "I didn't realise until now that it was on the book jacket on one of the books my mom was reading."

"A fan at such a young age?"

"Oh I wasn't a fan. I hated you. My mom was the fan."

Richard wanted to ask about her mom, but he didn't want to intrude. He wanted her to come closer, not run away.

"I became a fan exactly sixteen days later. After my mom died."

He was sure he could ask questions now since the door had been opened. He was looking for the story from his future muse.

"Mind if I ask what happened?" He asked sincerely.

Kate was silent for a moment before speaking. Trying to decide how to put it without dragging out too many of the horrible memories.

"The disappointment was overwhelming. My dad and I had waited over two hours at the restaurant for her to join us like the promised. My dad was so angry. The few days I was home was littered with empty promises and he was just so tired of all the excuses. I pleaded with him to just let my mom explain as we stepped off the elevator to our apartment. I noticed someone standing at the door as my dad fumbled for the keys. It wasn't just anyone. It was a detective and I knew my life changed forever when I heard the man ask my dad, _"Are you Mr Jim Beckett?""_

"I'm so sorry Kate." She felt his fingers brush over hers. His hands were warm and she could feel his caring, kind nature oozing from his fingertips onto hers.

"A deafening silence consumed the apartment. I could see Detective Raglan's mouth moving, but there was no sound. My dad stared blankly at the man too, except for when questions emerged about enemies and possible people who wanted her dead – dead. My mother was stabbed Castle, and left to die in an alley. That's when it all went numb for me. The realization that my mother was dead. That's when I got up. I couldn't listen to anymore. It was all too much and I didn't want to cry in front of the detective or my dad. I did that later, when I was alone in my room. I ended up in my parents' bedroom and shut the door behind me. The smell of my mom still so familiar, the fragrance of her perfume lingering in every corner."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now. Rick wiped them away gently. He didn't like seeing her upset. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to talk about it anymore but Kate wanted him to hear it all.

"The bed was perfectly made, just how she liked it. I remember running my fingers over the duvet cover so careful not to mess it up. I sat down near her pillow and stared at the bedside table. I turned the lamp on to see what she had next to her bed. I'd never bothered before. The bedside clock reflected a time so inconvenient for the situation that presented itself. The alarm set for 5AM, every day, including weekends. I rubbed a small amount of the lavender fragranced lotion onto my hands. The smell soaring through my olfactory senses. And there you were - Richard Castle who I despised for the two weeks I was home. It laid there, your book, on the table, the page neatly marked with a bookmark, and a pair of reading glasses on top of it. I picked it up, ran my fingers over the cover – it was…Hell Hath No Fury." They smiled at one another when she looked up at him. "So, I read the dedication and then Chapter 1 and before I knew it, I had the pillows propped up against the headboard and finished it." Kate sniffed and took another sip of her coffee.

"I always knew that title was a winner" he said smugly trying to lighten the mood a little.

Kate giggled.

"Thank you…for sharing."

"Now…" It was the right moment, she knew it. Everything was in the right place; the sincerity of the moment, the attraction and the comfort and she wasn't going to deny herself the feeling of finally belonging somewhere and with someone, so she leaned in and kissed him softly. He leaned his forehead against hers and cascaded his hand down her cheek.

"Now you have a backstory for your new character…"

"Yes I do."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Sleep didn't come easy for Kate after divulging her deepest secrets to a complete stranger. A stranger she had feelings for – another reason contributing to her sleepless nights. She didn't want to believe in anything real. Real things always left the heart shattered.

Exercise at 5am always helped clear her mind. It was usually a morning run, but that was too easy for the anxiety she was feeling. She decided to do pull-ups instead and then her phone rang.

"Beckett." She answered sternly.

" _Detective Beckett?"_

"Yeah."

" _This is John Raglan. I was the lead investigator on your mother's homicide ten years ago."_

"I remember you Detective Raglan."

" _Listen I…We need to talk about your mother's case. There's something you don't know. There's a coffee shop at Fourth and Main. Meet me there in an hour. Just you, no cops."_

This unnerved Kate a little. What she couldn't understand was why the lead detective, the one she refused to cry in front of that night – suddenly grew a conscience and needed to spill some vital information, well, she hoped it was vital information. She thought about the information for a moment. If she found out the truth about her mom, the heavy burden on her shoulders would be immediately lifted.

She looked at the last dialed number and couldn't decide if it was necessary to call for back-up. A phone call wasn't sufficient. This needed to be done face-to-face.

Within less than thirty minutes, Kate found herself standing in front of the door she shut behind her not more than eight hours ago. Castle. She knocked softly.

"Kate." There was surprise in his voice. It was early, and Kate was at his door.

"Hey."

"Come on in," he suggested stepping aside to let her in.

"Can we talk for a second?"

"Of course. I was just about to make some coffee, would you like some."

"No…thanks. Look, I need to be somewhere in a short while. At a café. It's about my mom's case. I need you to come with me…please."

Richard was a little gob smacked at her request, but just like her, he was beginning to care deeply. He said nothing, but the simple gesture of grabbing his coat from the closet was all the confirmation she needed that he had her back.

And there it was, the little café right on the corner. Detective Raglan was inside, Kate notice him from the moment she walked through the door. The images of every details forever imprinted in her memory.

"That's him." She said walking over to the table. Detective Raglan looked uncomfortable any contemplated leaving immediately.

"Lady, what part of no cops didn't you understand?"

"He's not a cop."

"Well then who the hell is he then?"

"Someone I trust." She confirmed sitting down. Castle right beside her.

"More coffee?" A waitress interrupted.

"Thank you." He replied politely.

Kate wasn't have any of the stalling tactics, "Tell me what I don't know about my mom's murder." His tone was difference and Richard picked up on it immediately. This was a side of Kate he was yet to meet. The harshness in her voice made him uncomfortable. Uneasy. That's when he decided not to interfere and be the support she had asked him for earlier this morning.

"I hid a lot of sins behind my badge, and now I've got to carry them. But your mother's case, that one weighs a ton."

"Why? Because you wrote it off as random gang violence when you knew it wasn't?" There was anger etched into every word she bit at him. Richard shifted.

"I did what I was told. And I kept quiet because I was afraid. About a year ago there was a hostage stand-off at your precinct. You killed a hitman named Dick Coonan. It was a big deal in the papers. People noticed."

"Who hired Coonan to kill my mom?"

"You need some context here. This thing started about nineteen years ago, back before I even knew who Joanna Beckett was. Nineteen years ago I made a bad mistake. And that started the dominoes falling, and one of them was your mother."

And without any warning, a sniper bullet sliced straight through Raglan's coffee mug and into him. High pitched screams filled the café like music from a horror movie as panic immediately invaded the café. Richard would never admit it if anyone ever asked, but he was afraid. Coming so close to a bullet was enough to make your life flash before your eyes. He instantly noticed blood on Kate.

"You're hit."

"I'm fine. It's not my blood." She called into her radio, "One Lincoln Forty, please be advised that we have a homicide on the corner of Fourth and Main."

"Detective Beckett!" That voice was all too familiar and it meant trouble.

"Retired NYPD cop gunned down in front of one of my people which means I'm gonna have to do a damn press conference. Tell me you didn't come down here without back-up?" Her Captain was angry. She should have known better, but she didn't think anything like this was going to happen.

"Sir…Castle was with me…"

"Castle hasn't even signed all the paperwork!" Kate immediately frowned at Castle who politely shrugged.

"We were backing her Captain," Came Esposito and Ryan from behind her. "We were just down the block when it happened." Captain Montgomery wasn't convinced. He looked Kate straight in the eye.

"What they hell am I gonna do with you?"

"You're gonna let me work this case."

"No. You're too close to it, it's all over your face. You're thinking what was Raglan going to tell me before he died. When you should be thinking how you're going to catch the guy that killed him."

Kate disagreed, "Sir. Raglan was killed because he was going to tell me something about my mother's case. Nobody knows it better than I do." She argued this time, trying to take a stand.

"Yeah, but I know you. You're gonna want to pick up those scissors and run around the house with them. But I'm telling you now, walk, don't run. Go where the evidence leads, not the other way round. Do you read me?"

Defeated, Kate nodded and Captain Montgomery turned towards the arriving crowd or reporters.

"You okay?"

"You haven't signed the paperwork?" Fury breathed out of her eyes. He shook his head. "Oh my God Castle. Do you realise what implications that could have had on both of us?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it! I put you in danger. That could've been you instead of Raglan. What would I have told your family huh? And the lawsuit my precinct would have faced? This is just ridiculous." She mumbled.

"I'll fix it."

"Damn right you will! And until then, I don't want to see you near the precinct or anywhere near me."

"Even when you're off duty?" A combination expression of disappointment and sorrow looked at Kate.

Kate sighed and inhaled a deep breath, "Dammit…Look, just get the paperwork signed and the rest will work itself out."

Richard was left disheartened at the way he and Kate departed. He wasn't even sure he would see her again. He wasn't about taking any chances though, so he immediately got his lawyer on the phone to sort out the pending paperwork. All would be finalized by tomorrow afternoon, however the notion of possibly getting injured on the job still hindered the excitement he knew he was supposed to be feeling. He wanted to make sure Kate was alright. Hearing the information from her superior earlier that morning about her almost coming across as a loose cannon made him shiver. Would she do something so reckless and stupid and get herself injured? Or would she take calculated risks and proper back-up with her this time if she found a lead? Richard didn't know. There was enormous amount of things he didn't know about Kate Beckett. He sat back in his desk chair in his office wanting to make notes about the morning incident – figured he could use it in his story somewhere when he eventually got down to putting it on paper. He opened the top drawer of his desk to fish out his moleskin notebook and a pen and he noticed the envelope he had shoved in there, the one he'd received from the PI. He was tempted to open it. See if it contained more information on the woman who died that night and her family. He held the envelope in his hand and questioned it.

" _What would I gain from opening you?"_

He played with it for a while, tossing it up and over on all four sides. A piece of light reflected off the metal letter opener and caught his attention.

" _A sign…"_ He communicated back to the envelope and reached for the letter opener. He had no mercy on the seal.

He opened the letter containing the information he requested and on the PI Company's letterhead stood the words: Victim – Joanna Beckett. Survived by husband Jim and Katherine Beckett.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

He immediately noticed that she'd been crying when she answered the door, but he pretended he didn't notice.

"Hey Castle."

"Hey…" He needed to see her, to tell her the truth about that night in the alley, but he wanted to do it in person and he wasn't sure how she was going to react. He was also surprised to hear she was at home when he texted and not at the precinct on a shift.

"Come in."

He stepped in and had a look around, "Wow. Nice. So…uh…how come you're at home? Later shift?"

Kate sniffed and lowered her head. "Uh…no. I…uh…I actually got kicked off the case."

"Oh!" His voice and octave higher than usual. "Why?"

"I found someone else connected to my mother's case who got under my skin."

"But that's not a valid reason to kick you off the case?" Kate smiled.

"I smashed him into the one-way mirror in the interrogation room and shattered it."

"Ooh! Badass!"

"Ye well, being a badass doesn't get you any gold stars."

"Sorry, but on the bright side, all the best cops – Dirty Harry, Cobra, the guy from Police Academy who makes the helicopter noises. They all have one thing in common."

"What? A plucky sidekick?"

"Well there's that, and they do their very best work after they've been booted off a case."

Kate raised her eyebrows and considered rolling her eyes. "Is that what you came all the way over here to tell me?"

"No. That popped into my head about ten seconds ago. But there is something I have to tell you." He said in a barely audible tone.

"Sounds serious." She said as she guided him to the sitting area gesturing for him to sit down.

"Yeah…it is…and I uh…I'm not sure how you're going to take it." Kate moved closer to him and took his hand in hers.

"You're scaring me. What is it Castle?" Kate's reaction was sincere, but he suspected it was all going to change in a few minutes.

"Kate…I've been working with a PI for the last ten years, not continuously, as and when needed. In fact, from the very next day we met at the ice rink." Kate frowned. Rick couldn't look at her. "That evening, I was so pissed at Alexis's mother for not picking her up for the holidays, I went for a walk. I walked for some time, and ended up at the park. It was cold outside and the park was incredibly eerie so I headed back. I was so unnerved by the creepiness of the park that I had started to imagine noises and sounds that I never heard before." He cleared his throat and Kate listened attentively. "At first I thought I imagined it, because of my overactive imagination…but when I got back to my place, I realised that it was real…" He was choking up, struggling to speak. Struggling to get the words out to tell this beautiful woman the truth.

"What Castle? What was real?" She gripped his hand tighter.

"Oh my God, I don't know how to say this…Kate, I walked past they alley the night your mom was killed. I saw them. I saw them and I didn't even try to help…Kate, I'm so sorry. I called 911 as soon as I got home and reported it…" He wiped the tears from his eyes after Kate's expression broke him. And then she let his hand go and got up.

Stern Beckett came out, "How long have you known it was my mom?"

He looked up, her back towards him and arms folded. Completely cold. The morning light creeping through the window to enhance her silhouette. He couldn't see her face, couldn't tell what she was feeling, what she needed.

"Not long at all. You have to believe me. Kate, from that night I vowed to bring the criminals to justice but there was no information, except one article in the paper. So I hired the PI to see what else he could find. I had no names, nothing. The day we met at the Senator's event is the day I received the information with your name on it from the PI. I only opened it yesterday….Kate…"

She was unresponsive and he was to blame. He couldn't stand it. He'd hurt her in her most vulnerable time. Almost finding out some crucial information about her mom's murder, watching a former detective getting gunned down in front of her, getting reprimanded by her Captain, getting kicked off the case and now his mouthful. He decided it was best for him to leave. He didn't say anything, politely picked up his coat and left. All Kate heard was the click of her front door and he was gone.

She had about three seconds to decide if she wanted him out of her life forever or not, so she ran for the door.

"Castle! Wait!" He stopped, but didn't turn around. He wasn't sure he could handle anymore rejection.

"Come on Castle. I've gotta show you something."

He entered an empty apartment through an open front door when he came back.

"Kate…?"

"In here." She yelled from a section of the house he hadn't seen on his first inspection.

He noticed that the window shutters were open, but instead of letting light in, it was all covered up with articles, notes, and photographs – her own murder board.

"You know, sometimes I forget you live with this every day. As soon as my Captain gave me permission to make copies of the file."

"Montgomery?" Castle questioned.

"Yeah," Kate replied with a smile.

"I see. And how far have you gotten?"

Her eyes lit up. All hope was back. "Well aside from my mom, there was also Diane Cavanaugh and Jennifer Stewart. They volunteered for her from time to time for the justice initiative, and the fourth victim was Scott Murray. He was a document clerk at the court house. You know Castle up until today I'd always run with the theory that they got killed because of a legal case they were working on. My mom requested a court file just before she was murdered. And that file went missing."

"Well you mom must have had personal papers? Appointment book? Something that could tell you what she was working on before she died."

Kate shook her head, "I went through it all nine years ago, there's nothing."

"Yeah well a lot has changed since then. Maybe you missed something."

It's as if a lightbulb had just come on in Kate's head. She disappeared for a few minutes and came back to the room where the shutters were used as a murder board – Castle figured out that this little space was her _office_.

Dumping the box on her desk she said, "This is everything we got from her office. There's nothing in her appointment book" she said flipping through it for what must be the thousandth time, "Well, not that I can make sense of anyway. She had her own system, my dad and I could never figure it out."

Kate was waffling on with excitement, someone to share her story with. Castle had gone quiet. He had something in his hand. Kate couldn't make it out. She sat next to him.

"This was on the day, wasn't it?"

"Yeah…My…"

"Dad took the photo, I remember. You guys were fighting before that. I don't know what about, but you told your dad to get hot chocolate."

Kate giggled in amongst some tears and sniffles. "It's a funny story really. Most of the fights involved you."

"Me?!"

"Yeah, I was angry the entire time I was back home. My mom was working on what I am sure was this case, and when she wasn't working, she was reading your books. It's like she didn't miss me at all."

"You were so happy after your mom arrived at the rink. That's when I first saw you smile."

"Castle – were you stalking me?"

"Just observing…I guess I had a feeling that you'd be my future muse."

"I went to a book signing once."

"Pfft…No you didn't, I would have remembered."

"Impossible. I was like number 725 in a queue full of swooning women!"

"True…Impossible. Do you still have the book?"

"Yeah it's…" Beckett's phone suddenly rang and startled them both. Kate immediately got up to answer it, but she pointed to the shelf it was on.

"Beckett."

" _It's Montgomery. Ryan and Esposito traced your sniper to a corporate suite in Midtown. He's been on you since Raglan's murder. This guy's a professional, highly trained and well-funded, may be part of a team. Listen, I'm going to have to put a protective detail on you."_

"Sir, if this sniper is after me, then I need to get to the station." Castle had found the book with his signature in it, he smiled as he ran his fingers over her name. His's head whipped up towards her when he heard the word _sniper_ come out of her mouth and he froze.

" _No. You need to stay home."_

"Why?" The line went silent for a few seconds. "Roy! What's going on?"

"Kate…he has Ryan and Esposito."

The worried expression on Kate's face alerted Castle to get up and be at her side in seconds.

"Castle…There's something I need you to do."

"Name it." He said giving her a hug. She wrapped her arms around him, hands stretching over his shoulder blades.

"I need you to go home."

"Forget it."

She kept her arms wrapped around his waist but looked him straight in the eyes, fire burning within. "Look, I signed up for this when I put the badge on. You didn't. This isn't your fight."

"The hell it isn't…Look, I may not have a badge, but I'll tell you this, like it or not, I'm your plucky sidekick."

She smiled. "Plucky sidekick always gets killed." That dampened his spirits a little.

"Partner then." Her hazel eyes softened again and he pulled her into another hug. "So tell me, what's the plan?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The bullpen was hustling and bustling with cops and detectives scurrying about trying to find leads on where Ryan and Esposito were being held captive and by who.

Kate and Castle walked straight into Captain Montgomery's office.

"You just can't follow a direct order can you Beckett?" He scolded.

"Sir, Ryan and Esposito are in this mess because of me and I can't stand around and wait. I need to do something."

"And you Mr Castle?"

Castle broadened his chest and said proudly, "I'm here to stand with her…" Roy looked at him unbelievingly. "Like a partner…sir…" Roy rubbed his hand over his face realizing that this situation was a disaster and completely unethical.

"Tell us what you know before it's too late." Beckett demanded.

"They were following a lead on Hal Lockwood, their cellphones are off so we can't track them. The only information I received was that of a Jolene Granger and her home address."

"We'll check it out sir!" Kate grabbed Castle by the elbow and dragged him out the Captain's office.

"Be careful Beckett and for goodness sake, take some back-up with you!" Roy shouted as they raced through the bullpen towards the elevators. The elevator doors closed with them inside, Kate's adrenaline was pumping, her eyes focused.

"What about back-up?"

"We're not taking back-up Castle."

He nodded nervously.

Beckett raced through the city, Castle strapped into the passenger seat, the gumball blinking furiously on the roof of her Crown Victoria as they made their way to Jolene Granger's apartment. They arrived within minutes, both equipped with bullet proof vests and Beckett with her gun. They approached the front door with caution, the front door was already open.

"Castle, stay behind me," Kate ordered quietly. He was too nervous to object.

"Jolene Granger…NYPD…Jolene?" Beckett called, but there was no answer. She crossed over into the living room where Jolene was laying, bound at the wrists…dead.

"Castle, I need to call this in, but we need to find something that has her mobile number on."

"Got it! It's a service provider bill…I think." He tore open the envelope.

Kate dialed her Captain. "Sir, Jolene Granger is dead but we have an account number to access the call logs. We can log into her account, but we'll need to reset the password. We need to know her mother's maiden name." Kate waited patiently while Castle sat at the login screen.

Captain Roy Montgomery returned her call a few minutes later with the information they needed and Castle reset the password, a few moments later they were logged in.

"Lockwood would have been one of the last numbers she called," Castle suggested as he and Kate skimmed through the numbers.

"Got it! 917-555-0176…I need a GPS location sir…" she bellowed into her phone. "Come on Castle, let's go."

A man was guarding the entrance to the building they needed to get into. There were cars in the area, but no people. Kate was nervous.

"That guy's gonna spot a SWAT team from a block away, warn Lockwood. We call in the cavalry and they're both dead. I'm open to dumb ideas here," Beckett explained.

"Good, 'cos I got one."

They pretended to be drunk and clingy, supporting one another as they walked to the entrance, giggling and fumbling. The guard noticed them immediately and walked towards them.

"He's not buying it Castle."

Kate immediately reached to snatch her gun from her hip holster, but Castle stopped her. He grabbed her hand forcefully while his other hand gently wrapped around her neck, his thumb stroking gently across her jaw. He pulled her in for a long, slow kiss, their lips caressing one another for a few glorious seconds before Kate remembered they were on the job. Kate pushed herself away from Castle, their eyes locked briefly, but her well-trained eye noticed that the man was still on his way towards them, his hand inside his jacket pocket. She questioned herself on whether to stop or continue with their cover. The cover was the preferred choice and she leaned in to kiss Castle again while being careful to keep the approaching man in her line of sight. Castle was completely into the moment, she could feel it in his responses and it was amazing. The man stopped a few feet in front of them, Kate and Castle ignored him. The man smile and chuckled and left the couple to their own business. This was the perfect opportunity for Kate to strike. Ripping herself away from Castle, she struck the man on the head with as much force as she could muster up after being weakened to the core by that kiss. Her adrenaline was pumping. Castle's adrenaline was pumping for different reasons.

"That was amazing…" Kate turned around to question Castle's sudden comment, "The way you knocked him out I mean…it was…"

Kate needed to focus, there were two lives they needed to save, "Let's go, yeah."

Castle quickly needed to bring himself to earth and into the present situation so he let out a staggered breath.

The plan was to ambush the interrogation. Lockwood and his men used the classic waterboarding technique. Ryan and Esposito were tired. She spotted them in the distance and when Kate heard Lockwood tell one of the men to shoot out Ryan's kneecaps, she knew it was her time to intervene. She released two shots into the chest of the man that was standing over Ryan. Esposito had a rope around his neck and his hands were tied behind his back. Beckett continued to fire at the other armed men while walking alone into the war zone. Shots came from all angles, but Beckett pushed on through to get to her team mates.

Lockwood grabbed his sniper rifle while Beckett hid behind some crates. Castle was trying his best to lay low and come in from the other end of the room to close all the criminals in. Shots were fired at regular intervals from a man hiding behind a wall and Kate knew she had to get rid of him fast, and she did, he went down near a tied up Esposito, his gun going of missing Espo by inches. Lockwood showed up again, calm and collected, his aim near perfect as he fired twelve rounds at the hazel-eyed detective, missing by millimetres every time. It was a full-on war between the two.

Kate was fighting for cover to reload her weapon while Lockwood took a breather too. Castle found a hiding spot too, in the shadows above Lockwood. Lockwood stepped away from the wall to get an eye on Beckett. He looked through the scope of the rifle and immediately locked onto her. Castle saw his play roll out in front of him and realise Kate was in imminent danger. Lockwood was ready to pull the trigger, the crosshairs focused faultlessly on Kate. Castle took a giant leap of faith off the structural beams while he exerted all his force and body weight he could gather as he launched on top of Lockwood to prevent the kill. Castle instantaneously climbed on top of Lockwood after disarming him and brought his fist to Lockwood's face until he was unresponsive.

Esposito came running to Castle's rescue after Ryan untied him.

"You okay bro?" Castle looked up at Espo confused and dazed.

"Huh…? Never better," he responded out of breath.

Ryan yelled a few seconds later, "Javier! Call 911! Beckett's down…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The tension in the hospital waiting room was unbearable for Richard. Everyone was there, his mother who gave comfort to Alexis. Ryan, Esposito and Captain Montgomery. Jim was with the attending doctor.

"Uh…guys, I'm gonna get some coffee. Anyone want anything?" They shook their heads. The situation too bleak to consume anything.

"I'll join you Mr Castle, and then I must be going. There's something I need to take care of."

Richard and Roy walked towards the elevator, "How's your hand Mr Castle?"

"Uh…It's a little tender, but I'll be fine," he said as he skimmed his hands over his bandaged knuckles.

"You guys did a good job you know." Richard raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Doubt it sir. A good job would have resulted in Kate not having to have surgery," he bit back.

"Castle, Kate will be fine." The lift arrived in the lobby, "Let me know when she wakes up…oh and…get some rest." Richard smiled unconvincingly.

Jim Beckett was in the waiting room talking to Ryan and Esposito when Castle returned.

"Mr Beckett," Jim turned around to greet Richard, it was unfortunate that they had to meet under these circumstances, but Richard was grateful that he was here to take care of his daughter. "How is she?" He asked shaking the man's hand.

"Doctor says she's going to make a full recovery and it's all because you interrupted the shooter. If he shot as accurately as he intended to, we'd be facing a different scenario right now."

Rick was no hero.

"Can I see her?"

"Yeah. The doctor doesn't seem to have any objections. She was asleep when I left."

"Thank you."

Alexis got up suddenly and spoke in a very soft voice when she reached her dad's side.

"Daddy, can we see Kate before we go. I have to study for a test, but I really wanna make sure she's okay."

Richard tried to smile as he led the two ladies to Kate's room. "Of course sweetie."

The room was dimly lit as they entered. Kate lay peacefully on the hospital bed laced with white linen.

It was quiet, apart from the beeping of the machines she was hooked up to.

"Dad?"

"Yes sweetie?" He replied as he pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"If Kate's okay, why are there so many pipes and machines?"

"It's just standard. There's a heart rate monitor, and IV tubes to administer antibiotics to prevent infection. If the doctors say she's going to be fine, then she will be."

"Okay…Do you think I can hold her hand?"

"I think she'd like that."

Kate stirred at the contact and Alexis startled and pulled back.

"Hey guys…" she murmured and even managed a smile. Rick smiled back a little teary-eyed.

"Sorry if I disturbed. I hope I didn't hurt you?" Alexis apologised.

"No…I'm fine…You can…uh…give me a hug if you want?" Kate tried to ease the fear off Alexis's face. A teenager shouldn't look so worried about a complete stranger. Alexis looked at Rick and he nodded in approval. Alexis was hesitant but stepped closer.

"The doctor told me that hugs will help me heal quicker…c'mon, help out a friend…" Kate reached out her hand and Alexis took it and swooped in for the hug, careful not to squeeze or lean on sensitive spots.

"I feel better already, thank you," Kate whispered when Alexis got up. Alexis smiled shyly and hooked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you guys so much for coming, it really means a lot."

Martha kissed Kate on the cheek and whispered in her ear, "I'm so glad you're okay Katherine. Get better soon."

The room was silent for a few more minutes after Martha and Alexis left the hospital. The rhythmic beep of the heart rate monitor consumed the space.

"Castle…you can stop worrying. I'm going to be fine." He looked up at her as his fingers entwined with each other.

"I'm not worried. I know you're a superhero. It's just…just…Kate…I have this incredible amount of guilt rushing over me."

Kate tried to sit up, but there was an incredible amount of pain, but she pushed through it. Castle got up to assist.

"Castle…you don't have anything to feel guilty about. We went in there without back-up against a sniper, it was never going to be smooth sailing."

"I know…I know…but that's not what I'm talking about….Kate, it's the second time I've let your family down. Your dad told me that's you're alive because I jumped the guy."

"Castle, come here," she held out her hand, he moved the chair closer. "I _am_ alive because of _you_. I was facing a sniper and I had no idea. With you taking that leap of faith, it changed his trajectory. You save my life Chuck Norris…"

"Pfft…Chuck Norris?"

She giggle, "Yeah, I saw you take out Lockwood before I passed out – that's why you have the bandage on isn't it?" He looked at the bandage covering his right hand.

"You know, it always looks so cool in the movies – to punch someone – let me tell you, it's overrated. It really hurts!"

"Thanks for having my back Castle…"

He squeezed her hand, "Always."

Kate yawned. "I should go, you need some rest," he said getting up from the chair.

"Before you go…the doctor also said that kissing is good for healing too…" He smiled cheekily at her and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on her lips.

"See you in the morning beautiful…"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Morning light was fighting its way through the blinds of Kate's room, the light so crisp, it's as if you'd expect to find dew settled on the window sills. Montgomery sat in the visitor's chair in the corner of the room, streams of light glistened over the badges on his suit. He was reading the morning paper as he waited patiently for his number one detective to wake up. She looked peaceful in the bed he thought and suddenly remembered why she was there in the first place. He stared blankly at her while images ran through his mind like a filmstrip. He was partly to blame for her being there, and that's why he was in her room today – ready to tell her the truth no matter what.

"I hope there was a bear claw that came with that paper?" The newspaper crinkled and crumbled making more noise than Roy intended to as he fought to fold it any put it aside.

"Are you hungry? I asked the nurses to keep your breakfast aside until you woke up."

She ran her hand over her face, "Ahhh…I'm so sick of hospital food."

"I'll have a bear claw hand delivered for lunch," he said.

Kate noticed something wrong with his demeanor but she couldn't quite grasp what it was. He was happy to be there with her, see that she was doing well with his own eyes, but every time he looked at her, it was for a few seconds and then the connection broke. Like he felt responsible.

"Sir?" She asked sitting up in the bed. It was getting easier to move around, the pain not as intense as it was before, getting shot in the abdomen was no joke. "Is everything okay – with you? With the case? Did something go wrong that you're too afraid to tell me?"

Captain Roy Montgomery sat back down in the visitor's chair and rubbed both hands over the bridge of his nose. Stopped when his index fingers pressed on the pressure points between his eyebrows.

"Kate…" He took in a deep breath. "What I am about to tell you isn't going to be easy. Both for me to tell and you to hear."

His comments made Kate frown, this was definitely unusual behaviour coming from her Captain, but it appeared as if he was carrying the world on his shoulder so she let him speak. Let him take as much time as he needed.

"I was a rookie when it happened, Kate. Raglan and McCallister were heroes to me. I believed in what we were doing. We were just going to kidnap them and that's when I heard the shot. I didn't even know it was my gun that went off 'til one of the men when down. Then Raglan pulled me into the van. I remember him saying _'It's okay, kid. It's not your fault. Happens in this town every day.'_ Raglan and McCallister tried to drown it, but not me. I put it all into the job, Kate. I became the best cop I could be. And then when you walked into the Twelfth, I felt the hand of God. I knew he was giving me another chance and I thought I could protect you the way I should have protected her."

Kate's adrenaline was pumping, the heart rate monitor beeps had risen significantly. On the verge of a panic attack, Kate inhaled deep breath.  
"Did you kill my mother?" Roy immediately shook his head, he could feel her anger laced in those words.  
"No, that was years later. But she died because of what we did that night."

"Then who killed her?" Roy dropped his head in shame, he knew who it was, but he didn't want to tell her right now, he needed to explain himself, he _needed_ her to listen.

"I can't tell you that right now but somehow he had figured out what we had done and he could have turned us all in. Instead, he demanded the ransom money. He took that money to become what he is and God forgive me but that may be my greatest sin."

The pain Kate felt earlier had dissipated completely after hearing what her Captain, her mentor was saying.

She raised her voice, "Give me a name. You owe me that Roy!"

Captain Montgomery stood up from the seat now and looked Kate straight in the eyes.

"No Kate!" He pointed his index finger at her, "I give you a name, I know you. You'll run straight at him. I might as well shoot you where you stand. They're going to come for you Kate, but I'm going to put an end to this."

Kate so desperately wanted to get up and stop the man she looked up to.

"Sir, you don't have to do this!"

"This is my spot, Kate. This is where I stand."

Kate begged and pleaded, her voice cracking with the desperate pleas and on the verge of tears.

"We can take him down together sir!"

"There won't be time, he probably already knows."

"Please…don't do this…" Tears were streaming down Kate's cheeks now, almost uncontrollably.

"This file has all the information you need. It will lead you in exact direction you need to go. I know you can do this Kate, you're smart and you have the resources to help you, but don't go at it right away. Stay in the shadows and lay low until you're healed. You'll know when the time is right and don't go in alone. Take Mr Castle, he cares about you. You bring in Ryan and Esposito when you need to, they'll have your back too."

Kate couldn't fight the emotional release anymore and she let out a wail, her eyes were red and flooding with tears. She put her head in her hands, sobbing hysterically taking it all in. When she finally gathered the courage to approach her Captain once more she looked up into an empty room. He was done and all that remained in side was the brown folder he spoke about. She couldn't even look at it. It disgusted her. She laid back down on the bed, rolled onto her side and pulled the covers back over her shoulders, silent tears seeping into the pillow.

Kate hadn't slept much since Roy Montgomery disappeared from her hospital room. She had being laying in the same position for hours trying to muffle the sobs and stop the flow of tears. Richard Castle himself showed up at around noon, all bright and perky, two cups of coffee in hand. She heard him come in and immediately closed her eyes so he thought she was sleeping, but the pain in her side was becoming unbearable and she needed to move.

She tried to moan silently, but failed and Castle was at her bedside within nanoseconds.

"Hey…Kate…What's wrong?" He whispered near her ear as he could see the pain etched in her face, her frown lines more prominent than he'd ever seen before. The dark circles underneath her eyes still very prominent as if she'd been getting no sleep at all. He was worried.

"I'm just a little sore Castle. And stiff. Can you help me turn around?"

He willingly obliged. This was so out of character for Kate. Asking for someone's help was a rarity, but she was so tired of doing everything alone. He gently swooped her up in his arms and laid her carefully back onto the bed in what he assumed to be a more comfortable position. She didn't object. She kept her eyes closed, breathing through the pain. She also didn't want him to see that she'd been crying, although she figured with his level of observation skills, hiding that notion was going to be a complete waste of time.

He was silent. He never said a word. It was unlike him too, he always had to comment on something. Silence left him uncomfortable. However, he intuitively knew that this moment of silence was vital.

After a few minutes, Kate took in a shaky breath and opened her eyes to the gentle smile of the man she was possibly falling in love with, Richard Castle.

"I brought you a milk steamer since you can't have any caffeine." She smiled her first smile in hours. She wondered how he had that ability to take away all her sorrow and put a smile on her face.

"Does it come with a bear claw?"

"Pfft…need you ask." He whipped out a brown paper bag, "It's still warm…"

When she bit into it, it was like heaven melted on her tongue, "Thank you."

He left her to enjoy the pastry and looked around the room to see if there were any new bunches of flowers, or ones that needed watering when he noticed the brown file on the food trolley.

"What's this?" He asked picking it up. He noticed that the file was more than the average thickness. He'd seen previous case files on her desk and they were half the size. Kate shrugged.

"Is it information on the case we were working on?" He was just being nosey, but he wanted the story.

"It's something I don't wanna talk about." Complete switch in personality he observed.

"Really?" He questioned curiously, "That's strange. I thought you'd be all over it since there was substantial evidence relating to your mom's case."

"Drop it…" She warned, not making any eye contact.

"But Kate…what if there's a lead in…" He didn't get to finish his sentence when she snapped at him.

"I said drop it Castle!" The heart rate monitor's alarm beeping faster. Kate ripped the pulse monitor from her finger and the machine immediately stopped its rant.

A few moments of silence had passed without a word causing an uncomfortable silence Richard was not comfortable with.

"You've been crying…" It was a bad choice of words, he knew it, but he knew that by pushing her buttons, he was going to get her to talk.

She glared up at him, "Can you please stop observing for like a week?"

"Can't do that – it's a character flaw," he said with a fair amount of attitude and a pout of the lips. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Then can you leave? I'm not really in the mood for company."

He sat on the edge of the bed pretending to contemplate the idea.

"I could, if you really want me to?" She wasn't going to beg him to stay.

"I really want you to go."

He was shocked and surprised at the same time. So astounded, that he immediately raised his eyebrows. The sudden resistant behaviour was odd, but he'd respect her wishes.

"Fine…I'll leave."

"Fantastic," she responded sarcastically and she closed her eyes for a nap.

Castle made sure that her eyes were completely shut, before he tucked the folder into his jacket pocket. His reasoning – if she wasn't interested, she wasn't going to miss it.

Richard sat at his desk, the brown ratted cardboard file staring back at him. It felt like he was betraying Kate by taking the file and scrutinising the information inside, but he also saw it as his way of helping her find the answers she'd been waiting for finally putting an end to her misery of solving her mother's murder. He thought about it for a minute and put himself in her shoes, to try and collate all the evidence she'd received over the years into reasons on why she wouldn't want to go any further. Apart from her life being permanently in danger there was no other justifiable reason that he could think of…and then…then it came to him and he knew how he was going to write it into his book as part of his newfound character. Purely driven by the fact that if she couldn't find justice for her mom, she'd find it for others, and that would mean that Kate Beckett had no more purpose in in the police force if she found her mother's killer. It was a Catch 22. It was a major setback. He knew it. Kate knew it. It was her sole purpose for becoming a cop, for becoming the youngest female detective in NYPD history – it was her obsession that drove her, kept her pushing forward into greatness.

Richard wasn't going to let her give up. She deserved the answers. Joanna Beckett deserved the justice and he made a promise to himself that he would do it for her and his opportunity was right in front of him in real time and he was never going to let it pass him by – even if it meant losing Kate forever. Joanna fought for the truth and so would he…he'd justified his intentions enough to muster up the courage to open the file…

At first, the information seemed trivial, kidnapping mobsters for ransom. The names looked familiar. Raglan appeared there a few times along with another detective Gary McAlistair. There was a third cop, the name all too familiar to Castle, so familiar in fact, that he hard to read it ten times over to be sure – Officer Roy Montgomery.

"He was part of the kidnapping crew?" Richard questioned himself, "That's why Kate's upset."

But it didn't make sense…how did Captain Montgomery into the death of Joanna Beckett? Castle was curious, there had to be more. He rummaged through the documents inside the file and found an account number in the name of W.H. Bracken…

"Senator Bracken?" His voice an octave higher. "What the hell is going on here?"

He needed to get to Kate…immediately, and there was no way she wasn't going to listen to him now.

It was late that evening when Rick returned to the hospital, way after visiting hours.

"Excuse me sir, visiting hours are over."

"I realise that mam, but this is important. I don't think I will be very long." He explained pleadingly.

He stepped into her all too quiet room. The heart rate monitors were off. Complete silence. He checked the eating tray, her dinner remained untouched. This was not good. She was laying back on the side that contributed to the pain earlier, but it was away from the door where people couldn't see she was crying. He moved closer to her quietly, she didn't hear him at all. It broke he heart when he saw her body convulsing with every sob.

"I know why you're upset," he whispered, his voice laced with sincerity.

She breathed in deeply, "No you don't. You're grasping at straws for your next book. Trying to figure me out, trying to figure out what makes me tick so you can build a character that resembles me…You know, the funny thing is, when I first started reading your books…after reading the strong female characters you created, I wanted you to write a book about me, write me with that strength – something I never had at the time."

"Captain Montgomery betrayed you…" He said bluntly.

She whipped around as fast as she could without injuring herself.

"What?! How did you…"

"I took the file," he interrupted.

Disappointment laced her red, teary hazel eyes.

"Yeah, you weren't interested in it, so I took it, right after you kicked me out."

"How dare you?" She said angrily.

"Really? You're going to interrogate me? Kate, you're sitting on a gold mine and I know…I know that somehow you feel if you find justice for your mom you won't have any purpose anymore, but that's not true."

Kate's mouth moved but no words came out. She was stunned.

"Kate, trust me, you'll be a force to be reckoned with, you'll be in demand…people will look up to you, young people like Alexis. Criminals will be afraid…and Kate, it wouldn't surprise me if one day, someone funded you to run for state senate…The information in this file, he said showing it to her, "Will do all of that for you."

Her eyes lit up with the amount of faith he had in her, the faith he had about the validity of the evidence. He radiated with confidence as his eyes pleaded. She sat up immediately in the bed and wiped her teary eyes.

"Tell me what you've found…"

Kate was back home in after a few more days at the hospital. Castle at her side helping with every step in the recovery. She seemed happier and more relieved since she had better leads in her mother's case.

"C'mon Kate…Let's just go get the guy. At least bring him in for questioning." He said she he stirred a cup of herbal tea for her.

She sat in her living room, the documents in the file spread out all over the place, her mother's box in her lap. She was going through thing for the hundredth time, hoping to find a connection.

She had Joanna's diary open on the day she died…Kate knew there had to be something written there, a clue that she didn't understood.

As he placed the tea down on the side table he asked her casually, "Would you like to come to a family dinner tonight? I know my mother and Alexis would love to see you."

Kate was silent, she kept staring at the diary – the last entry in the diary.

"Family," she whispered.

"Yes, family, which you are a part of now." He leaned in and kissed her temple.

"No, Castle. This diary entry – the way it's written – _D Me w/family._ "

"I see, but you explained that she was on her way to meet you and your dad for dinner."

"I know, but I've noticed something that I never did before. Look how close the D is to the M – DM."

"Detective Montgomery?" Castle suggested.

"The _e_ could be for evidence." Castle read it out aloud.

"Detective Montgomery evidence with family. That makes no sense Kate."

Kate chuckled for a brief second, a smile appearing from the corner of her mouth, "Oh my God!"

"What?" Castle wasn't following.

She was speechless, "The elephants…Castle, I think we've figured it out."

"What?" She tapped him hurriedly on the shoulder.

"Castle! Quickly, get up and go to my desk in my study. You'll see a statue of elephants – trunks holding tails."

Richard was confused, but he got up anyway trying to hop on her train of excitement. He walked back nonchalantly with the statue of three elephants in his hand waving it about.

"This thing? What's so interesting about this?"

Her eyes lit up and her stomach knotted with nerves, "Castle…they were my mom's…she used to joke about how they were like a _family_ …The evidence must be inside."

Richard examined the statue to see if it opened anywhere, but he didn't find anything."

"Kate, I don't think so, there's nothing her to suggest that this opens," he said as he was trying to pry it open. And then, just like that the back of the main elephant popped off and a tiny cassette popped out. "Ooh!" He exclaimed.

Kate's eyes filled with tears, "Castle…I think this is the evidence we need…I remember now that one day when I was down in the archives, Captain Montgomery found me there going through the case file. I was just a rookie then, and he was asking me if I had looked into all of the evidence, he mentioned a cassette recordings – he must have known about this."

"And you mom was going to take it to him to bring all of this to an end and then she died."

"Senator Bracken must have found out about the tape, but he didn't know where she kept it, so he killed her…we need to listen to the tape."

Kate managed to find some inner strength to pull herself up off the floor to rummage through some of her old boxes for the cassette player.

"Found it!" She yelled, he could hear the excitement in her voice. "I used to use this old thing when I first started doing interrogations, I played them back to myself to teach myself what to do and what not to do with future cases." She placed the tape in the player and pressed play…

" _Raglan, shut the door. You've got a lot of balls coming here." Bracken said._

"Is that?" Castle looked at Kate, eyes as wide as saucers.

"Senator Bracken. Back when he was still Assistant DA," Beckett commented.

" _Look, we just want to make sure we're all on the same page," said Montgomery on the tape. "You took us for a lot of money, Bracken. We want assurances."_

" _Hey, be happy I haven't busted the three of you for your little mafia extortion ring," Bracken replied cheekily._

Montgomery sounded panicked.

" _Whoa, relax."_

Senator Bracken was completely in charge of this operation.

" _No, no. You want assurances? Here you go. I assure you that as easily as I pinned Bob Armen's murder on Pulgatti, I can just as easily pin it on the cops that actually did the deed."_

"Bracken just admitted to blackmail," Castle commented, moving closer to the cassette player as if that was going to make the conversation speed up.

Montgomery spoke again.

" _Pulgatti knows he's been framed. What if someone gets on to this?"_

" _Then I'll handle them."_

Said Senator Bracken confidently. Montgomery didn't believe him.

" _You? How?"_

" _I know people, Roy. Dangerous people. Anyone gets to close, like that bitch lawyer Johanna Beckett has been poking around, I'll have them killed. I've had people killed before."_

Kate and Castle looked at each other immediately after hearing those words, Kate's eyes were tearing up. Castle put his arms around her and said, "Let's go get the son of a bitch."


End file.
